Letter to someone in a far away past of mine.
I don’t miss you
So much as I miss your presence
I miss walking through your town with a hand to hold
I miss going to the park
In the fall with your sweater
I miss lying with you up in your single bed
When you’d embrace me and keep me warm
While you kissed my head
And I was captivated by the stars
And how big the universe felt
And the chances that you and I
Would exist together in this universe
While it was so vast
And we were so small
I miss our song
I miss how much it meant to me
I miss
Feeling
I miss caring about someone who cares about me too
But do I miss you?
I know we grew apart
I don’t even know who you are anymore
Truth be told
It could be anyone filling my loneliness
And I would probably be content
At this point
I just want my necklace back.
Clean linens and a rusty heart
Skin bathing in the light with faded scars
Dust floats through the sun beams
Coming in the window
I want to stay here forever
And watch the sun come up over the world
Before anyone else
I want to keep this grip on your heart
Tie a rope on the moon
And gather all the stars
To keep in mason jars on the window sill
And watch them light up your face in the night
When I can’t sleep
But I don’t mind
Because you’re resting peacefully beside me
And this would be enough
But the dreamers of the world
Are only disappointed in the end
And my imagination has always been
As wide as the sea
For now,
Come sail away with me
What am I to you?
All your judgements and hate
I want to know
When you look at me do you see the same person
That I see when I look in a mirror?
The lust for your approval has driven me mad over the years
Never had the time to find myself, but when I finally did
Found myself praying to a God that I never believed in
Going insane and watching all my emotions burn to the ground
Like the dry fields on the outskirts of town
During a September with no rain
It is a curious thing
How close we can get to our dreams
And never truly find what we’re looking for
Everyone so focused on this, that, and the other
Stop trying to be someone, be something
And just be.
The disrespect and the negativity
The hurtful words and actions
I’ve had enough from you to last a lifetime
Be happy with your life and who you are
And if you can’t,
Then maybe it’s best you leave
Better than to project your unhappiness onto everyone around you.
The life of one girl is worth far more than 30 pieces of silver.
Considering
That I’m better than your stupid ex-girlfriend
And every girl you’re flirting with now
Like an ungrateful little shit,
I’m just gonna assume that you know
I’m better than them.
And I’m better than you.
Exponentially better than you.
And I deserve way better.
And you understand this
So that’s why you won’t commit to me.
Yeah okay.
Considering I give far too many fucks about you
I’m still not okay with this.
The sea of blankets we lived in
Was too deep and too wide
For me to hold onto you.
Sometimes shit just happens.
But I really wish I would put down the salt and stitch up the wound.
I wonder if I ever will.
Considering I love you,
For now anyways,
Probably not.
My current writing notebook is slowly reaching capacity.
My writing is shit but do I give a fuck? Nope.
I like how it feels. To spill the words onto the paper. I like being able to look back and feel again the things I felt in that moment. Like, a journal of sorts.
I don’t want to love you, no.
But I will.
I’ll keep loving you because it’s one of those things
That the universe gave me
So that I might feel a little bit of hope
On the days when the sunlight
Is too weak to break through my window’s curtains.
Because when it rains, oh it does pour.
And you were just another one of those things
That never seemed to work out quite right.
And made me think there was something wrong with
Me.
And maybe there is.
And maybe it’s just you and your silly little ways.
In a world where I’ll be on my own
I’ll believe the latter.
